Saturday, June 6, 2009

Ramblings: Things I Learned from Elder Scrolls Oblivion

- Grass, trees and rocks can appear out of nowhere from a couple yards out.

- Judging by the example set by Imperial Legion Forresters, after one narrowly survives a needless fight to the death with two comrades it's apparently a bitchin' time to go piss off a bear.

- Wearing a gray piece of cloth instantly makes you a wanted criminal. Taking it off, however, leaves everyone unable to recognize you, even if they were standing three feet away when you did it. How criminals haven't figured this out yet is a mystery.

- While wearing this cowl you will be wanted for "all sorts of stuff". No one will remember what, but you're damn sure wanted for it anyways.

- Don't worry; a shadow coming towards you shaped like a human with a huge sword is just a rat.

- Every single military fort is a crumbled, broken down ruin populated by ghosts, zombies and evil skeletons. Rare enchanted weapons and armor that no soldier could afford are also plentiful. No exceptions.

- Skeletons that will kill anything they come across can somehow be heroes and champions.

- When you talk to someone, even a hobo on the side of the road, everything else in the world stops moving immediately. Even fire.

- You can become a vampire merely by being hit by something they carry. Vampire lore lied to us.

- You can be forgiven for any crimes you commit merely by finding religion and hanging around nine different shrines, even if you killed fifty people and a goat.

- Hiding a secret passage out of the castle in a cell for dangerous criminals is apparently a fantastic idea.

- There are no fat people. Fat people are a lie.

- Every commoner in the world has one of only nine distinct voices.

- Someones voice can change to a completely different one at any time depending on what you say to them.

- Not only is he a mutant, Captain Picard apparently found time to be an emperor as well in between galactic journeys.

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